In reading through the first few chapters of Proverbs, I have noticed something. The book of Proverbs is unashamedly full of terms of endearment such as: "My child," "My son," "My children," etc. This is not just a book of clever sayings and rules; it is intimate and personal. This is a father's heart lovingly doing his best to share Godly wisdom to and patiently cultivate Godly character in his children. The author starts first two verses of the chapter with the loving admonition, "My child, never forget the things I have taught you. Store my commands in your heart. If you do this, you will live many years and your life will be satisfying." NO doubt much of this wisdom grew as a result of his own failures, cultivated in the soil of painful consequences, and watered by an abundance of tears. Like any good and Godly parent he realizes that he is far from perfect, but he hopes against all hope that his children will take his teaching to heart, steer clear of then pitfalls he has seen and fallen prey to, and avoid the mistakes he has made. Those of us who are parents, grandparents, older sisters, aunts, or are in any position of caring influence over a child can all relate. We would much rather see them learn from our mistakes than make the same mistakes we made and learn the hard way. Solomon is not writing so much to strangers as he is to those whom he loves and is close to. And in an even further reaching sense, God the father is speaking through these proverbs to us his children, teaching and shaping us into the image of his son Christ Jesus.
The theme of Proverbs 3 seems to be all about relationships....our relationship to others, our relationship to God, our relationship to ourselves and to our money and possessions. It is about keeping these relationships in correct perspective, and balance and thereby living successful lives by living in right relationship with God, people, and things. The first important life lesson this father seeks to impart to his children is all about rightly relating to others as well as to God. These are the virtues of loyalty and kindness. We get a sense from verse 3 that these two character traits are so important that they need to be inextricably bound to our person. "Never let loyalty and kindness leave you!" he says. Then as a very effective visual aide he further emphasizes, "Tie them around your neck as a reminder. Write them deep within your heart."
Dictionary.com defines the word loyalty as: faithfulness to commitments or obligations. In other words Solomon is instructing his children to be people of their word and their convictions, people who can be counted on to do what they have committed to do even when it is not always convenient. The ancients took loyalty and commitment very seriously, and there are many instances in the
Bible where we see people entering into a type of commitment with God or other humans known as a covenant.
A covenant is a binding commitment in which all parties involved agree to do or not do something specific. The terms of said covenant were articulated verbally in the form of vows that were often sealed by the shedding of blood (e.g circumcision, piercing the ear, sacrifice of an animal). The breaking of such a covenant often carried very serious consequences, from banishment from one's community to death. Because of the seriousness making covenant, such commitments were not to be entered into rashly. In Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 it says "When you make a promise to God, don't delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to him. It is better to say nothing than to make and promise and not keep it. Don't let your mouth make you sin."
Nowadays covenants are often entered into on a way too lightly, without much serious thought and broken as soon as things are no longer convenient or easy, or a "better option" comes along. As women we often over-commit, attempting to show Godly love by being all things to all people only to ultimately find ourselves stressed out and burned out to the point of not having even the energy to fulfill those commitments. Or, we rashly commit to people or causes based on emotion alone, often to find ourselves heartbroken and disillusioned when we find out that things are not as we expected or that the commitment is one-sided. How does one know when and how to make rightful commitments and what if you already made a rash commitment? I believe, Solomon anticipated those questions from his children when he added the next statement in verses 5 and 6, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take." The answer may come through a Bible verse that speaks to our heart directly giving new and fresh insight, an inner voice that speaks to us as we pray, the advice of a Godly friend or counselor, a change in circumstances, etc. Whichever way he chooses to do it, God has promised that if we seek his will in all we do, he will show us which path to take.
The bottom line is that as children of God, we are to trust our heavenly Father to lead us in making wise commitments and then be loyal to whatever he directs us to do. When people see us, they should see in us the image and character of Christ who is faithful, trustworthy, honest, and true, and always keeps his word. The world needs to see women who are totally committed to Christ and will do what is right even when it is not convenient or popular and even in the midst of great difficulty. The ones God has entrusted to us in love, need to know that we are totally committed to them and that our love for them will never change even when they disappoint us, make bad choices, or do not live up to our expectations, just as Jesus laid down his life not only for the ones who loved and followed him but also for the ones who despised and crucified him.
To be fair, at times we will need to exercise tough love. Sometimes, we will have to hold those we love accountable for their destructive and harmful actions, and sometimes one of the most loving and compassionate things we can do for prodigal loved ones is to let them go and experience the consequences of their actions and pray that it leads them to repentance. However, in showing loyalty and kindness even under these circumstances, we must assure them that our love for them will never change. Is it always easy? No. Will you always feel the love? No. Is it convenient? Not always. But 1 Corinthians 13:8 assures us that love never fails. Do you want to be a person on loyalty? I do. Since this discussion on loyalty has gone a little longer than I had planned, we will talk a bit about the virtue of kindness and then move on to the rest of the chapter the next time. Grace and peace to you and yours.
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